Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."
Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
viernes, 28 de junio de 2013
MEXICAN RESTAURANT SPECIALTY
A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special.
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate."
The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?"
The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate."
The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?"
The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"
martes, 25 de junio de 2013
RODAJE HUMOR FOR ALL
Aquí os adjunto fotografías del rodaje de una serie que se va a estrenar pronto por via web que se llama HUMOR FOR ALL. No os la perdáis, los capítulos los podréis ver bien por el canal de YouTube que vamos a hacer, o bien por el blog. OS ESPERAMOS!!!
martes, 11 de junio de 2013
Blood Donation
An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises.
Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally, a Jew was located who had similar type of the blood who willingly donated his blood to the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card for giving his blood along with a new car as a token of his appreciation.
Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. His doctors telephoned the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card and a jar of Almond Roca sweets.
The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate much the Jews kind gesture as he has done previously. So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied "Ya Habibi, I have Jewish blood now, remember?!"
Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally, a Jew was located who had similar type of the blood who willingly donated his blood to the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card for giving his blood along with a new car as a token of his appreciation.
Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. His doctors telephoned the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card and a jar of Almond Roca sweets.
The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate much the Jews kind gesture as he has done previously. So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied "Ya Habibi, I have Jewish blood now, remember?!"
Little Old Lady
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
"Doctor I have this terrible problem with gas, I can't seem to stop farting. They never smell and are always silent but it's still a problem all the same. Believe it or not I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
She Was Sooo Blonde
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she thought General Motors was in the army.
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she sold the car for gas money!
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
- she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she thought General Motors was in the army.
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she sold the car for gas money!
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
- she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
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